I am super stressed about pretty much everything lately. I'm going thru a period where everything is getting to me and I'm feeling pretty strung out about things that I don't necessarily have any control over. There's no rush for me to get anything done, no real push has been made for things to change from their current state, but I keep feeling like I'm stuck in limbo. I am getting some pressure from an outside source who knows the deal and because I know this person pretty well I'm going to say with a lot of certainty that they don't realize that they are pressuring me. They just don't want to see things change and I can understand that.
But I made a decision several weeks ago (3/31/12 to be exact) and that decision still hasn't changed. However, having made the decision hasn't made things any easier for me because of the pressure for things to stay the same and because I have always been one to try and put others first when it comes to some things. A big thing like this that will affect a group of people outside of my self definitely makes me second guess myself because I am causing other people to be unhappy. And that is a burden that is really hard for me to bear.
Add to that the fact that my my sense of humor is basically gone and I take everything super serious right now so Romero can't joke with me about anything without me getting kinda freaked out and taking it wrong. That puts a strain between us as does the way I act. He has pointed out that I act differently towards him when there are people around versus when we are alone and I struggle to see it.
The above was written and saved as a draft several days ago. It is unfinished and I've opted to post it mostly because that was how I felt at the time of writing the post which was late in the evening after I had worked all day long. Also, if I am going to keep a record of how I feel and what I think etc. in this time then I may as well post it.
R
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