Coming out

So, since I'm still at a point where I am trying to figure things in my life out and all that...jazz...(Theater geek moment...LOL) there are many people who do not know what is going on. The majority of my family included. Today also happens to be my mother's birthday. I don't talk to her often, but I definitely made sure I called today. And we talked about her garden and her job and the baby boom that does NOT include me, thankfully.

We didn't talk about this. She doesn't know that her only daughter, her only child is gay. I don't know how to tell her when the time comes. I don't know how to tell either of my parents. I don't live close to them so I can't sit down and tell them face to face...well at least not without a plane ticket and some time off work, neither of which I can afford right now. And I know that I can't just avoid telling them forever. I don't even know how they will take it, what they might say or do. Despite not having a terribly close relationship with them, this is hard and it fucking sucks. I'm so wound up and anxious about it that I'm starting to cry. I'm tired of crying. So I'm going to stop. Right now.

But I still have no idea how to come out to my parents. I'm not even worried about some of the more ultra-conservative members of my family...they are going to flip shit anyway and I already know that. So whatever. But my parents are my parents and I have no idea how they are going to react. I do have an aunt who knows and she seems to think that they will be fine with it. Maybe not at first because it will come as a HUGE HUGE HUGE shock to them, but with time...and maybe a few drinks...lol I hope she's right. Part of me thinks she is, but there's another part of me that is terrified she's not. Oh well...there's no sense in driving myself too crazy over it. I won't know how things are gonna go until I tell them. And I don't know when I will be ready for that.

R