I rediscovered this, something I had forgotten I'd written, tonight. And reading back through it was just a plethora of stuff that brought back strange memories and stranger times and some things that I hadn't known before became glaringly obvious to me when I look back at them with several years of distance. Notably was some of the interactions between my ex and I (we no longer speak) and how awful and miserable they really were for me, but I was used to it and probably ,by then, expected it. It was normal for me, although I was assured by several people close to me who knew at least part of my story that it wasn't in any way normal or acceptable. And it has taken me a long time to even begin to start finding myself in all of the mess I had been through. I read myself on one entry and could clearly now point out that I was in the midst of a manic fit, though at the time of the writing I hadn't yet been diagnosed as having bipolar disorder. At this point I am working on stability with my partner and just trying to keep pushing forward through life. Maybe I'll write here some more, maybe I won't, but I like having at least something to look back on to what was a very tumultuous time in my life because even with all the bad that was happening, especially in my first entries, it lets me now appreciate the good that I have in my life. And I'm trying to find more good things all the time because I never want to be the person that I was when I started writing here. Growth is a good thing, right?
R
