Anxiety fit

I was going to suck it up today and call my mother. She had to work. So I got my reprieve there and have spent a good portion of the afternoon trying to figure out a budget, not freak out, not shave my head, and generally be OK. I'm really worried about being able to afford my rent and all my bills on what I make. Which means I'm looking at job postings too, but I haven't had much luck there. There are a few that I'm just going to apply for and go for broke. The worst that can happen is that I don't have a new job. At least I'm not losing the one I've got. And maybe something will surprise me by working out.

I feel very lonely again today. So many worries most of which I have little to no control over...or will simply have to work with what I've got to make them be less, but no one I feel like I can talk to. Or no one that I feel would want to listen. I know that's not true, but I try not to be a burden.

I sat down and tried to draft a budget basing it off of my last two paychecks. If I did it right and understand everything I am going to be very very tight and possibly without a cell phone. And also, I will definitely need to get as many hours at my job as they will allow me to have. Hence, the reason I am looking for another job. Or a cheaper apartment, but it will HAVE to allow cats and that can be hard to find.

I'm just really anxious and kind of freaking out about everything. I've started to hit the point where I want to start trying to sell excess belongings that I don't need (excluding heirloom items) so that I can try to make sure I can swing things by myself and have a bit of a cushion to rely on. I am capable enough to do this and handle shit, but right now I'm just having a bit of a freak out. I'm OK. I will be OK.