Unorganized

So after attending the anti-hate rally I feel somewhat more comfortable in my own skin. I'm not sure that the two events are connected. One of the things I struggle with is my relationship with Romero and how to act sometimes. I get freaked out by something minor (or not minor or even something that's only in my head) and I either freak out and get upset or I withdraw and get distant. And that causes a problem. I'm trying to be better and not get like that. I have no idea if I'm succeeding.

Also, he teases me for checking out other women. It makes me feel kind of bad. I don't know why, nor do I feel like that is his intent. I think it is his way of dealing with a situation that makes him perhaps a little uncomfortable. We are both also still convinced that the other person will be the first to find someone and that we will be the one left forever alone. Regardless, I don't even want to get involved with someone. I can look at a woman and think she's hot, but at this point that's about where I feel like I'm at. I haven't been with anyone other than Romero in a LONG time (9+ years) and having sex with someone else scares the fucking hell out of me. What if I don't remember how??? AAAGGGHHHH

I almost called my parents the other night. Then I chickened out. I've also decided that there is NO WAY I can call and tell my dad and then make him tell my mom. That's not fair and it really is kind of a shitty, cowardly thing to do. So I'm not going to do it. I'm also tempted to just out myself via Facebook, but again I don't think that is fair to my parents. The best thing to do really is going to be for me to talk to them both. Now I just have to do it. Romero has told me not to feel like I have to rush into telling them and I can see his point. But both he and I have almost slipped up at work and said something and if work finds out before my parents find out then it will DEFINITELY hit Facebook and since that's not how I want Mom and Dad to find out...*sigh*

Off to get ready to go help set up for a big event that I'm part of tomorrow. Yay!!

R