Ugh. The lack of sleep is starting to get to me. I'm kind of a hot mess. But I'm functional and the tiredness gives me a strange sense of clarity that I don't normally have. I've been struggling a lot with feeling as though I have no potential and seeing myself as the ugly duckling (for lack of a better term). I'm trying to deal with these things and find ways to simply better myself overall.
Unrelated note: Thank goodness for red squiggly lines that appear under my typos...I have lots of them tonight. lol
It was pointed out to me that, despite my fears, if I get to the point in a relationship with someone that they are seeing me without clothes on they are probably not going to be nearly as concerned with my flaws (perceived or otherwise) as I am. This is probably true, but I'm at a point in my life where I magnify the tiniest things and obsess over them. Mostly because there are times when I simply don't know what else to do. I am taking things day by day and moment by moment because I am finding it difficult to do almost anything else.
My coping mechanisms are strange and screwed up and unless I start doing unhealthy things they are not things I can use right now. So I muddle through and try to ignore the whispered voices in my head. And this is incredibly disjointed which fits because that's how I feel right now. I will be glad when the dissonance inside my head settles down and finds a rhythm.
R
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